that evil voice

I am only working the day job on Tuesday and Thursday this week, so you would think that I am getting all kinds of writing and other things done. I can’t say I have been dismal at working on stuff, but I haven’t had an amazing boost in productivity either. I have no idea where Monday went, except that I went to my daughter’s around 2 and then, well, we were only somewhat productive as well before we went down the rabbit hole I wrote about on my other blog.  And today I had to take my mom to a doctor’s appointment. Granted that only took a total of three or so hours, but it was smack in the middle of the day, so I felt I couldn’t start anything in the morning and then the afternoon seemed pretty shot by the time I got home. Then Hubby’s uncle died yesterday, so we have to go to visitation on Friday and the funeral on Saturday. The upside to that (I am so sorry to even think there is an upside to someone’s death) is that Hubby then gets Friday and Saturday off for grieving leave (or whatever it’s called), which means we will have time to get stuff ready for a camping trip next week. But it is all leaving my head spinning!

I have worked on my novel. Have re-read and outlined it up through chapter 23. After I finish that I had myself all psyched to submit it, but now the evil voice in my head is filling my brain with things like, “this isn’t accurate, you know?” and “you really are not an expert on this culture you are writing about” and “you really can’t let that character die that way, no matter how mean he was” and oh, my gosh, it just goes on and on. Then the little pyscho voice even says, “what if you do find a publisher and now your inaccuracies are in print forever and someone is going to hate you for it?”

I know that just because I have been to Kenya three times and have met quite a few Maasai, as well as having read everything I could find on their culture, does not mean I am an expert. I just need to find someone who is an expert in the Maasai culture to read it and let me know if some of the premises will fly. The problem with the Maasai is that they make stuff up themselves (many of them still swear that they have killed a lion with their bare hands. Really?). So they are the last ones to ask for advice on how they live and think. But some of the stuff I’ve found on the internet, written by supposed experts, I do know is wrong because I do know a few things.

Anyway, I think I need to break down and force my daughter into reading it. I know she has no interest in it, and I don’t mean that in a my-daughter-is-a-self-centered-brat-who-hates-her-mother kind of way. She just doesn’t read novels and she really doesn’t read anything from a Christian worldview. She also doesn’t have the time, working two jobs as well as running our nonprofit.

I need to just get a grip, I think. I just need to go camping and let it all rest for a week, right?

How about you? What nasty things does that voice in your head tell you and how do you get it to shut up?

 This white-tailed deer I saw the other day is kind of how I feel. He's not supposed to have a white face but he does, and just because the voice in my head says I'm not supposed to write about Africa doesn't mean I can't.