Sunday, July 16, 2017

when taking time isn't enough

I think I did pretty good this week. This is the most I’ve accomplished in a week in a very long time, and it doesn’t even feel like I did that much. I finally asked my nurse practitioner if she would put me on an antidepressant. I don’t feel depressed, I more just feel numb and I think that’s what's keeping me from getting anything done. I went on an antidepressant about a year after my sister died for the same reason. It all seems compounded now as I’ve lost my dad, my sister, my favorite aunt, and now my mom. It has been over the span of 24 years, but it still feels like the hole in my heart just keeps getting bigger. I can’t power through it on my own anymore. I’ve talked to people and I’ve tried doing things that are good for me (time away and time for myself and time not worrying about silly goals), but I think I need a pharmaceutical nudge.

So here’s those goals. As usual, highlighted in green is goal achieved, in yellow is at least worked on, and red print is not even looked at.

2)    Polish the Press Kit. Didn’t work on it.
3)    Finalize list of venues for book signings and / or readings. Email them if I get a release date from my publisher. I worked on it a little, but really can’t do much more til I get that release date. Argh. I’ll have to email my publisher tomorrow and start bugging them about it.
4)    Non-writing things to do:
a.     Contact one venue about a speaking engagements and / or craft sale for the Nonprofit. Yeah, I found out about a craft show the first weekend in August, so will apply for that as soon as they mail me the application.
b.     Sew that scrub top which I cut out last week. Ok, I’m gonna cheat a little and say this is done. I only have to hem it.  
c.      Scan a dozen of my mom’s old pictures into the computer. Done.

Since that seemed to work pretty well for me, maybe I won’t change it much.  
1) Write 500 words per night for five nights.
2) Polish the Press Kit.
3) Start contacting places for book signings and / or readings, only after I get the release date from my publisher.  
4) Non-writing things to do:
a. Secure one venue for a craft sale for the Nonprofit.
b. Scan a dozen of my mom’s old pictures into the computer.
c. Clean out one box of my mom’s other stuff. Taking out a dozen pictures a week isn’t making much of a dent in the six or so boxes of junk in my spare bedroom. I gotta get on this.
d. Finish reading “Wild”. Yeah, it seems like a long time since I picked up a book and read it beginning to end. 

Hope you are doing well and that you are balancing being productive with enjoying the summer.

1 comment:

  1. It sounds like you're doing what's right for you, judging by your progress, and renewed interest and energy.

    I don't think our hearts feel the passage of time the same way our minds do. Loss is loss, and it leaves a void. You've lost many dear ones. I'm glad you're doing what you can to care for yourself. I'm sure your beloveds would want that for you.